Relationships Rule

The best primary school teachers I have ever seen all have on thing in common: they build relationships. Kids thrive when they are in secure, caring relationships. This doesn't mean the teacher is their best friend. Instead, the teacher is their "best teacher". We probably all remember teachers like this ourselves - the ones we really respected and looked up to. We knew that if we mucked around for these teachers there were consequences, but we also didn't muck up so much for them because we actually wanted their approval. When you were in their class you didn't want to be in trouble, because you actually cared what the teacher thought of you. In the opposite extreme, teachers who are harsh disciplinarians have an outwardly conforming class, but only while the teacher is watching! Don't "throw the baby out with the bath water" though; teachers who try too hard to be the children's friend can end up with a class whose behaviour gets more and more unruly as the year continues. Appropriate levels of structure and clear expectations, communicated in a caring way, will secure children and therefore alleviates many discipline issues.

Caring teachers provide structures in which students know what is expected. They follow up on these expectations with clear, logical consequences. A good principle to keep in mind is that "certainty" is more important than "severity" when it comes to consequences (hmm, that may be another good discussion for later!) Within this structure, then, the teacher looks for every opportunity they can find to get to know the individuals that make up their class. When they have a child they are finding difficult, they look for an opportunity to connect with them on a non-class related level. It may be as simple as asking what they did on the weekend, giving them a special job, or even remembering their birthday.

Teachers who are driven by the rules without having relationship eventually become frustrated. Teachers who have no structure but are all "lovey-dovey" become frustrated eventually, too, as it gets harder and harder to get anything done! Effective teachers find the balance between the rules and structure of a class, and the all important element of relationships.

Top Teacher Tips for Building Relationships:

• celebrate birthdays
• look for more opportunities to praise than criticise
• if this is difficult start with the small things such as a new haircut, their sporting prowess observed on yard duty, a small act of kindness you observe, success in a subject they enjoy, the interesting contents of their lunchbox, their amazing drawing skills ("although next time I'll give you some fresh paper rather than do it in your Maths book. I'd love that picture on some blank paper so I could stick it up on my fridge")
• Give the "smart alec" student an appropriate opportunity to share their sense of humour
• share a joke before home time or breaks
• compliment them in their story writing book when they use humour
• See yard duty as an opportunity to connect with the children, rather than a chore
• shoot some hoops with them, kick the ball, compliment them on the clever acrobatics they're doing on the playground
• Value each child for who they are, not what they achieve
• Take an interest in their extra-curricula activities such as sport, dance, music lessons etc